porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
