You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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