so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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