she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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