You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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