dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
