New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
