Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
