Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we made out on top of his cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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