You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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