I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
