just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
