And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
