THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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