I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
