someone threw a dead crab at me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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