i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I came so hard my ears popped.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
