Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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