I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
