Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
