in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
