you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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