I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
