one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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