I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
