There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
