i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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