don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
