help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we made out on top of his cat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
