The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
