i don't like sucking hair
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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