I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
