I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
