i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
