whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
