she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
