I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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