Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
