Define "chronic" masturbator.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
