May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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