My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
