you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
