so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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