apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
