Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
