I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
