who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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