Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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