You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
