Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
