the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
