he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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