my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
