i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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