i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
