You can't motorboat a personality
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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