Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
