The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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