that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize