Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
