I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
