Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
