I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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