She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
