hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
