IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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