He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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