I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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