what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
